A recent experiment by the University of Nevada explored the relationship between good-looking instructors and learning, and concluded that students retain more if teachers are “easy on the eyes,” to use a clinical term commonly found in professional journals.

It’s no secret. Attractive people get all the breaks. They get better jobs, more promotions, larger offices, higher salaries, more dates and better seats at the Academy Awards than the rest of us jamokes — that’s another clinical term. So if you’re not attractive, you better start saving for mucho (I still remember some Spanish) plastic surgery so that you, too, can succeed like the Kardashians and have your own TV show and pimple-preventing cosmetics line.